


Undeserving

by Willowflower_Waterlily



Series: Letting Go (Leandra Bethany Hawke, Series 2 ) [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 08:49:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4515552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowflower_Waterlily/pseuds/Willowflower_Waterlily





	Undeserving

Will stares down at Leandra’s body, her eyes staring into nothing. He sees Lucy wail, but he cannot hear it. Falling to his knees, he clings to Leandra and prays there’s enough of her left that he can bring her back. It can’t end like this, Maker please. He begs to the Maker and Andraste, while berating himself for all the times he should have told Leandra his feelings for her.

A gasping breath makes everyone jump, including Will. He sits up and looks down at Leandra, his gaze meeting hers. Her expression goes from confused to angry in seconds. Leandra tries to get up, to hit him, but she’s still too weak from nearly dying.

“Why would you do this to me?” Leandra’s scowl deepens a little more with each word spoken. She wishes he could just let her go. She was dead, having gotten what she deserves at long last. Instead he pulled her back. Leandra knows she doesn’t deserve this second chance.

“I had to bring you back.” Will aches to reach out to Leandra again, to touch her again. He wishes that his touch could soothe the guilt and pain in her heart as his magic does with physical pains, but he knows it doesn’t work like that. “Even if you’ll never forgive me, I needed to try to save you.”

Trying to get to her feet, Leandra stumbles, landing hard on her knees. Hands reach out to help her, but she glares them away. She needs to do this, like she’s done everything else in the past five years, alone.

After a handful of attempts, Leandra stands up. She locks her shaking legs, holding her head with her hands. It became obvious quickly to her that she really shouldn’t have gotten to her feet so soon after being revived. The world spins around Leandra faster and faster until it’s a blur to her. Hands brace her before she can fall backward. Leandra tries to shrug them off, but she isn’t steady enough to move let alone free herself from the hands holding her up.

“Let me help you, Leandra.” Will whispers into her ear. Leandra shakes her head slightly, opening her mouth before falling unconscious, slumping into Will’s arms. Carefully Will picks Leandra up, cradling her in his arms, her head against his shoulder.

 

Waking up, Leandra feels weighted down. Opening her eyes, she sees her sisters curled up on either side of her, their arms and legs set across her.

“They wanted to be woken up when you did.” Junior sits down at the end of Leandra’s bed. “They were afraid you were going to leave. We’ve missed you, Lea.” Solana and Lucy wake up, both tightening their arms around Leandra.

“Why? I failed you all.”

Junior’s heart shatters for Leandra. He should have come to see her sooner. Leandra shouldn’t have been alone all this time. Taking a deep breath, Junior exhales slowly. “Leandra Bethany Hawke, you never failed us. It isn’t your fault our parents, Mia, Cullen, and Branson died any more than it is Solana’s, Marric’s, or mine.”

“But it is. You said so yourself. If I had been home, I would have saved father.” Leandra looks down at her feet to avoid the gaze of her siblings. Every day that passed since she sent them away to Skyhold, Leandra heard her brother’s words in her mind. “You all need to leave, and take Will with you.”

“We aren’t leaving you alone again.” Junior winces when Leandra’s head snaps up, her expression set in a scowl. “I already sent the raven to Skyhold. You need to heal sister.”

“I don’t deserve to. Now leave me alone.” Leandra fights back tears when her sisters kiss her cheeks, and her brother squeezes her hand. When the door is closed behind them, she buries her face in her pillow and sobs.

 

 Slipping into her parents’ bedroom, Lucy is struck by how neat it’s been kept. There’s not a trace of dust on any surface, and everything is orderly. She looks around, forcing herself not to think about the awful things that happened, but to remember the good. Closing her eyes, her memories turn to when she was in the room last. It was for her parent’s twentieth wedding anniversary. It was so nice to be home, and everyone was together and happy. A lump forms in her throat as tears leak from the corners of her eyes. It was the last time they were all home together.

Lucy opens the closet door, to find a chest she never saw before. Carefully picking it up, she carries it over to the bed. Lucy traces her father’s name on the label, biting her lower lip to keep it from quivering. Opening the lid, she finds a worn leather bound book, as well as odds and ends saved over the years. Flipping the book open, Lucy sees her father’s neat handwriting. Reading every entry, her heart breaks a little more with each one. She heard some of these words spoken before. Leandra… it seems as though she is more like their father than they had known. Deciding that Junior needs to see the journal, Lucy closes the lid to the chest and carefully holds the book against her as she runs out of the room.

 

Will stands back as Leandra is cornered by her siblings. He watches Leandra’s façade slowly crack as Junior reads her entry after entry from their father’s journal. Gripping the edge of the counter, Will keeps himself from going to Leandra, knowing she needs to hear what her siblings have to say. He wishes he could help her heal. The desire to go to her, to hold her overwhelms him.

“What do you want from me?!” Leandra rages, interrupting Junior. She scowls at her brother and sisters, body tense like a caged animal. She forces the tears back, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat as Junior read her father’s words to her. “What do you expect to come of this? That I would suddenly become the woman I was before?”

She moves her gaze from one sibling to the next, avoiding making eye contact with Will. Leandra can feel his desire to help her, to make her whole again, but she doesn’t deserve it, or him. “That woman is dead. I told Cullen that, and now you’re hearing it for yourself. She died five years ago.”

“We want to help you heal, to be able to move on.” Solana replies before Junior can get the chance to. “The Venatori attack wasn’t your fault. You didn’t send them here. They are the only ones responsible for the deaths.” Tears spill from Solana’s eyes, as she reaches out to Leandra. “Please, let us in. We miss you.”

“You’re wasting your breath.” Leandra looks down, trying to not completely lose control of herself. “Leave me alone.” She fights back tears, waiting for them to leave, unsure if there will be anything left of her heart by the time she finally convinces them to leave her forever.

Junior motions for the girls to leave, and he follows after. When he reaches the door, Junior pauses, turning to face his sister again. “We aren’t leaving you again. Don’t think you’ll push us away or that we’ll give up on you so easily.”

Will waits for Junior to leave before he approaches Leandra. He sees her falling apart piece by piece, feeling as though his heart is doing the same. Standing in front of her, he lifts his hand unsure if she would let him touch her. His hand shakes as he reaches for her.

“Leave me, please,” Leandra’s voice soft as she speaks, pain dripping from each word. When she looks up at him, the sorrow in her expression takes his breath away. Risking it, Will gently cups her cheeks with his hands, brushing away her tears with his thumbs.

Tears continue to fall from Leandra’s eyes, accumulating between Will’s thumb and index finger as they keep their gazes fixed on one another. Too exhausted to continue keeping her façade up, she lets him in, for a moment. She wishes… no it doesn’t matter what she wishes for anymore. It won’t make her family whole again, raise the dead. It won’t make her worthy of him.

“Please leave. Go find someone who deserves you.”

Will pulls his hands back, his heart crumbling to dust. Leaning over, he gently kisses her cheek, hearing her breath catch as his lips make contact with her skin. “No one will be more deserving than you.” Gazing into her eyes again, Will caresses her cheek before following after the others.


End file.
